Wants and Needs
A recent motorcycle tour of Nova Scotia allowed me sufficient helmet-time to separate things that are important to "men of a certain age" into needs and wants. Starting at the top, we have sex, beer, coffee and restrooms.
 |
Coffee... restrooms. |
I was travelling with five long-time riding friends, and, although each of us prioritizes differently, the group dynamic really sets the agenda. Each of us more or less conforms. Restrooms quickly establish themselves as the top need.
God has endowed the men in our family with oversized bladders. He may have been less generous with some of the other equipment, but in the bladders department we are good. Our coat of arms depicts an oversize bladder tanning on a field of something yellow, possibly snow.
As a group, we stop quite regularly and, to me, that breaks the flow, if that's the word I want, of the ride. Some long distance riders use catheters to relieve themselves, but that seems messy and dangerous, particularly for the riders behind and dodging the splash. So, in the first few days, as we establish a rhythm, we stop more often.
 |
Double-espresso |
That brings us to the second great need, coffee! The Government of Nova Scotia apparently has decreed that on all the roads on which Americans travel, coffee and donuts must be available as frequently as public restrooms or every 162 feet, whichever comes first. No one in our group drinks decaf. Our leader drinks double-espressos. Trust me, both our riding pace and heart rates pick up when his lighter liquid burden is mated to a double-espresso. That's good for about 45 minutes, and then we are back to just above the speed limit and looking for the next Tim Horton's Donut Shop.
 |
View from the road |
Someone famously stated that men think about sex every eighteen seconds. I won't dispute that. However, there is a mountainous 42 mile stretch of steep, twisty, up and down seaside road between Sugar Hill and Cheticamp, which, when ridden with vigor, can make you forget sex and, in spots, even bladder control. But once you stop at the French Coffee Shop on the other side for a double espresso, it all comes back. Feeling thankful to be alive and sex have a lot in common. Neither happens often enough or for long. The days of simply looking at a young woman, having a few beers and then a roll in the hay are long past, if they really happened at all. Look as we might, younger women don't see us. But we all look. At one point we passed an attractive hitch-hiking woman holding up a sign indicating her destination. At the next coffee stop, once the mandatory male remarks were made about her obvious attributes and our preferred destination for her, someone asked who had seen the burly bearded guy sitting on the roadside behind her. No one else had! Who says men can't focus?
Which brings us to our most accessible want, beer. Beer replenishes natural nutrients expended in riding, makes us feel better, and makes us far more attractive to the only members of the opposite sex to whom we are not transparent. Hookers.
Wanting beer also makes us need...you guessed it, restrooms!
Posts: 1