Vatican Agrees to Deify Lewis Hamilton

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Three Amigos

Italy. Pope Francis II, Chief Steward of the 2016 Vatican City F1 GP, announced today that in response to the pleas of Supplicant Broadcasters Diffey, Hobbs and Matchett, who prostated themselves on the steps of St. Peters, the Church will raise Lewis Hamilton to its highest level, that of Deity.

It was explained that the Church hierarchy is similar in structure to the British Parliament in that the Cards, (Formally known as Cardinals) like English Lords who advise the Queen, preside over the House of Cards and also advise their Queen, in this case, the Pope.

This is in keeping, the Cards said, with Pope Francis’s stated mission to make the Church more relevant to the very common man. “Changes will be made throughout the ecclesiastic structure, starting at the top. In a simple ceremony, Lewis Hamilton will be known hence forth to the Faithful as The Holy Gloat and will sit at the right hand of the Father and the Son”. Upon hearing the news, supplicants Diffey, Hobbs and Matchett wept openly and vowed to remind the world forever that Lewis Hamilton, now known as THG, once had to start from the pit lane.

Addendum: The Pope also forgave Nico Rosberg for cutting the soon to be Holy Gloat’s tire at Spa and said he and god believe it was a racing incident.

Oofy Prosser

European Correspondent