Porsche Found Guilty of Mind Manipulation!

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Porsche Found Guilty of Mind Manipulation!

A court in the German county of Hamburg Liepschen-Hausen has found Porsche AG guilty of manipulating customer’s memories through mind modification. For the past twenty years, steering wheel covers of new Porsches (which are known to have issues) have been soaked in a chemical serum which works its way through the skin to the brain in a matter of 200 miles driven. It targets the Porsche section of the male brain, Dr. Wolfgang Hertz explained to the court. ”The female brain is far too resistant. Once the driver has been programmed, he cannot remember any negative issues involving his car. For instance if a 996 owner is asked by a prospective 996 buyer if they have any problems, he replies ‘not that I can recall’”. The serum is so insidious that should the same person later approach the subject and complain that “my car eats tires and leaks like a sieve” the brain will remember the previous encounter and reply “That’s okay, they all do that!”. Dr. Hertz went on to say that drivers wearing gloves were not affected.

The all-male jury has all been issued new Porsche loaner cars by the company. A decision on the penalty is expected in 200 miles.

Oofy Prosser

MMR European Correspondent